Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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