Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
