Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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