Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
