i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
