he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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