He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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