My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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