um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
