I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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