I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
