I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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