Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
