I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The air was thick with penises
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
