there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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