is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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