If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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