i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
