My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
