Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
