good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
