So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
