seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
