Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
