it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
