I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
