i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
