Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
