SEEEEXXX PLEASE
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I deserve this hangover.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
