So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
