i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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