I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
