did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
