I wish my penis had an off switch
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
