Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
