my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
