Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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