i jhust puked up my retainher.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
