yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
