sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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