Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
