this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My brain says no but my pants say off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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