Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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