dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
