I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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