we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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