If i come over, it means nothing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize