You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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