Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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