i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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