this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
