I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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