have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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