at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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