We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
