question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
