It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
