They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
