Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
is it fun? or sober?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize