be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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