If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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