69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
