My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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