Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
