i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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