guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
