Where did you get a picture of my penis
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
