Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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