Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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