The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
