More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
